Saturday, May 22, 2010

Hush Little Baby

Not sure if you remember or not, but when Mikayla was a teeny baby she cried. She cried A. Lot.  One night, in the very beginning, trying only to survive, I held her close, rocked with her, and sang Hush Little Baby.   At the time, it wasn’t my favorite baby lullaby, in fact I only knew a few verses, but with the words “Hush Little Baby” it was worth a try.  She seemed to calm down a little bit as she listened to me sing.  I am certain it was not because I could carry a tune, but more the calming tone to my voice and the gentle way we rocked while I sang.

I quickly learned the rest of the lyrics to the song and it has become my routine when I put her to bed.  I sit in the rocker, I put her up to my shoulder, and I softly sing.  Nine months ago she was a tiny little baby who would struggle to catch a breath between cries--It didn’t matter to me; I rocked, I sang, I patted her back.  As she slowly grew out of her colic and she grew accustomed to her tummy in a constant state of upset, she would grab at my mouth while I sang.  The routine continued and as each day finished I vowed to find the answer to help her feel “all better” and forever hush her pain.  Then one day we found the answer.  I will never forget the night it dawned on me that the last verse that I sing to her is:

“…And if that looking glass goes broke, Momma’s gonna buy you a Billy goat. And if that Billy goat runs away, Momma’s gonna buy one for another day. So hush little baby don't say a word, Momma’s gonna buy you a mockingbird.”

At first I thought the irony was solely in the fact that, the mom in the song and this mommy, would make sure there was always fresh goat milk in the house :)  But then I really thought about the lyrics.  The mom in the song loves her baby so much, and wants to hush her worries and tears away, that she will continue to do anything to keep that baby happy.  Brent and I didn’t buy Mikayla a mocking bird, a diamond ring, a looking glass, or a Billy goat.  But what we did was never stop.  We never stopped searching for the cure for our little girl.  When one thing didn’t work, we tried another.  When that failed, we studied some more and tried a different option.  It wasn’t until finding our Billy goat that we were able to breathe a little easier as we have found what finally comforts Mikayla. 

Some days continue to be hard.  We are sleep deprived, her food choices are always at the top of my thoughts, and the wonder of what the severity of her food allergies will ultimately be, keep me up at night when I should be sleeping.  However, when I hold Mikayla in my arms, and softly sing those words to her, all my worries melt away.  I am her mom and I will go to the end of the Earth to make sure that at the end of the day she can rest easy. 

I have learned the true meaning of persistence through a beautiful little girl and a simple lullaby. 

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