Heartstrings

When I became a mother I grew heartstrings.  I never knew they really existed until I watched my first born grow.  Practically before my eyes, as a newborn, she stretched and wiggled and soon enough her brand new “preemie” outfits were too small.  Before my eyes I had to dig in her drawers and take out those teeny tiny outfits, once were too big and now her little toes wanted to poke out the ends of the footies.  From season to season and growth spurt to growth spurt I packed up my first born’s clothes into boxes. I was careful to fold and label them, hoping that one day my second born would wear the same cute and teeny tiny clothes. Three years later, when the ultrasound told us our fate for our second born, the boxes came out and the teeny tiny clothes were given a second chance. Most of the clothes were folded and put into Mikayla’s dresser waiting for her to wear them.  However, there were a few outfits that tugged so gently on my heartstrings that I couldn’t bear to have any other baby wear them.  There was a cute fleece sweat suit that Mallory wore when she was itty—as in days old.  It was so cozy and we spent numerous hours snuggling away with her. She wore it until it was noticeably too small and when I washed it for the last time and packed it away I was more than a little bit sad.

As Mikayla has grown over the last 20 months the boxes of clothes have come out of storage one by one.  Slowly, we have grown into and out of some of Mallory’s hand me downs.  My baby continues to grow and I continue to box up the clothes that she can no longer fit into. Now my head knows that this is my last baby.  There can be no more packing up boxes and pushing them further into storage.  Trying to tell my heart this has been a little bit harder.  My heartstrings want so desperately to hold on to those little bitty clothes.  I don’t want to forget how little they were, what they wiggled and giggled in before they could walk and talk, and more importantly, to hold on to a time that is so fleeting that I still can hardly believe it.

Thankfully, Mikayla has grown very very slowly so by the time she graduates to a new size, I almost feel like throwing a small party. (Cue the balloons, streamers and pony rides Mikayla just grew out of 12 month clothes!) New clothes get to come out of storage and I get to take a trip down memory lane with clothes that Mallory once wore.  Just as close as a sister, my best friend Kristen had a baby when Mikayla was a year old.  Handing the clothes over to her as made boxing up old clothes and handing them over so much easier.

When I pack a full box and pass them on to Kristen and Sienna I usually oogle over a few of my favorites to Kristen.  She listens.  She’s a mom so she too was given heartstrings.  It never fails that a few months go by and when Sienna is big enough to fit into the passed down clothes, I get a picture sent to me.  Sienna is always full of smiles, and in this picture, she is wearing one of my favorites.  Tug Tug.