Wednesday, January 19, 2011

I earned a new badge!


If motherhood was like being a member of a Girl Scout troop then I would have earned myself a new badge to proudly sew on my Mother Scout Vest.  Is this idea of badges lame for moms?  No way. Think of how ideal it would be to proudly wear a vest of armor to your next play date or get together with other mom friends—better yet, you could wear it to dinner with girlfriends who don’t have kids!  Then you could spend all your time talking about each badge and how you earned it.  You would surely be requested back at multiple girls nights out if you wore your vest…


Picture courtesy of Google images.

Typical mom badges include, but are not limited to,

Right off the bat-Did you register for your new baby before he or she was born?  If so, you get your first badge before that little baby is even born!  You survived the overwhelming trip to Babies R Us!  Did you do it along side your husband?  If so, give yourself an extra star.  Those husbands are sometimes better off left at home…

Up all night with a newborn baby. Check. Sign me up! Extra stars are given for having a colicky baby (these stars we only talk about after the baby is out of the colic stage-otherwise they are strictly forbidden to talk about).

Spitty Baby Badge!  You know if you deserve this badge it if you carry more bibs and burp rags in your diaper bag then you do extra diapers.

Off to Kindergarten Badge, complete with streaks of tears to prove that it was harder on you then your child

Ever dealt with a child with the stomach flu?  If yes, then you’ve earned a badge. Extra stars and pins are given if you’ve survived your husband having the stomach flu.

Mother of the Year Award Badge.  This badge is a big one.  The main rule about this badge is that it is given by the mother itself and is only talked about if the mother of the badge wearer brings it up.  If you give yourself multiple MOTYA badges you earn extra stars surrounding the badge.  I’ll happily tell you about two of my MOTYA 1. I forgot to ask my daughter before we went to the park if she had to go potty. To my horror she ended up wetting her pants at the park which had no bathrooms. Yep. Hand over the badge.  OH! I also have a star, because I have given myself another MOTYA.  I turned my back for a few seconds while the dishwasher was opened and my toddler grabbed a knife from the silverware basket and proceeded to try and lick it.  Thankfully, there was no bloody lip or tongue.  Admitting you deserve this badge is half the battle.

Suppository? Enema? Rectal Temperature? I don’t need to say anything else except you have definitely earned yourself a badge.

Road Trip Badge.  Ever travelled for longer then 2 hours in the car with your kids?  Sew a badge on to that vest!  You get extra stars if you did the drive solo.  Lord help you…

Have  you had plans all set up and then an illness strikes cancelling all plans dead in their tracks?  Yep you’ve earned a badge.  One of the hardest badges to earn as it bugs the crap out of me to have plans go up in smoke. 

Letting Go.  This badge leaves a mark on every mother’s heart.  Whether your child takes first steps away from you, chooses daddy over mommy, refuses to hold your hand at the mall, or wants to pick out her own clothes every morning before school, if you’ve had to let go a little bit, you’ve every right to lean on a shoulder and cry over this badge.  Motherhood makes me weepy on too many occasions…

And finally the badge I just recently received, super contagious, don’t turn your back on me, The Pink Eye badge.  Like opening a tube of green toothpaste in their eyes, I have never seen so much green junk come out of four bright blue eyes. Nasty.  And true to its description, very contagious.  Another badge earned as I have realized the very early symptoms of pink eye and have watched its life cycle from beginning to end in both of my daughters.  Lesson learned?  If only one eye is infected-TREAT BOTH. 

I have also thought about writing to the Mother Scout Comissioner asking for special badges that are not typical.  Some of these specialty badges would include “My toddler regularly poops in the bathtub”, “Sleeping by 9:30 pm and proud of it”, “I stay sane as a stay at home mom with fountain pop” and last but not least, “I survived the Whine Fest of the age of Four”. 

So if you are a mother, what does your Mother Scout Vest look like?  What fun badges did I forget about?


aslavik said...

Oh my gosh, LOVE this post. Need to print it out and hang it on my fridge :)

Tom, Jaime, Kendra said...

Love this post! So true. We do deserve badges! I may have to pull out my brownie sash:)

Sarah said...

Thanks for making me laugh about the badges we share :)

Molly Eid said...

Congrats on your new badge! This was a great read! Oh, so true how us moms earn so very many badges over the years... Love it:)