Friday, June 19, 2009

Constant Reminders

We all have songs, thoughts, pictures, people, or objects that are constant reminders of “something” in our life. These constant reminders bring us daily thoughts on any given feeling, good or bad, by how we perceive them or by the events that took place to remind us of them.

Mallory is my constant reminder that becoming a mother has fundamentally changed me for the better. She is a soul on this Earth that has made so many people smile and laugh, it is remarkable to me.

The song Feels Like Home by Chantel Kreviazuk. It is our wedding song. A constant reminder of one of the greatest days of my life. I married a man who challenges, loves, and inspires me every day.

My pregnant belly is a constant reminder that our lives and household are about to change in a big big way. The arrival of this baby is much anticipated and I cannot wait to see who this little girl becomes.

I could go on and on with heartwarming, feel good, constant reminders. Does this make you think of any in your life? I hope it does.

This has been a long week and I have been given one constant reminder that is not so great. I am having a hard time dealing with each reminding nudge it gives me. This reminder is related to my mom and her struggle with a terrible and destructible disease called Ataxia...
Meet my new constant reminder:

What is it? It’s an electronic key that has hung on my key chain since Monday. Every time I touch it, feel it, I am constantly reminded of the place that it gives me entrance into; the place where my mom now resides. A beautiful home filled with loving and caring people who want nothing but the best for her. A place with endless activities, great food, culinary chefs, and warmth that is felt from the minute you step through the doors.

The constant reminder that we are not there with her.

With countless hours of discussions, thoughts, a few sleepless nights we made the decision to move my mom into a facility that could care for her needs better then we could. I hate the words “nursing home” but that is how most are able to relate to the facility. We like to call it “enhanced assisted living” where my mom is able to live in her own apartment that has been furnished to feel as much as home as her old home did. Her walls are covered with pictures of friends and families.

It has been only 5 days and my every thought is with her and her transition. We call to check in on how things are going, hoping she is adjusting well. My dad has spent each afternoon with her and the transition has been a roller coaster of emotions; as they warned us it would. We are hopeful as the days pass she is able to calmly adjust to her new surroundings, understanding why we made the decision that we had to make.

I am hoping that as the days and weeks roll on, the constant reminder that hangs on my key chain will turn from one of a wincing pain, to one of an at ease feeling, knowing that my mom is relaxed and content.


Amy said...

That was a beautiful blog. Hang in there during this transition and know you are all being thought of!

The Breimhorst Family said...

I admire you for your courage to write this, Kristie. I can't say that I know how you feel but I've seen many many families deal with similar transitions. I know it doesn't fix anything but I am sorry for your current situation:(

On a completely separate note, and I hope this isn't too random to say but you are flippin' adorable:)

Amanda Jean said...

Today, three women have been standing out in my mind. These three women pop into my thoughts at the most random times. All three of these women have such great strength that I am in constant awe at the things they tackle in "every day life." You are one of those three women. I admire you, Kristie Eid.