We are in the middle of shopping for a new mattress. A big huge store full of beds--Mallory thought she died and went to heaven. Until we told her she couldn't climb or jump on the beds. Booo. What fun is this place anyways? She managed to walk around, talking to herself and playing around, until that is, nature calls. "I HAVE TO GO POOOOP!" She comes yelling to us. Embarrassed, I say to the sales person "Sorry we are still new to the world without diapers." Like any good salesmen he said no biggie and mentioned that he had kids of his own...hahaha we all laugh. My laugh is more of a muffled embarrassed, his, I am sure, was one of "I can't believe her kid just said that!" Ha. Ha. It gets worse--or better--just read...
Moving on we continue to look at mattresses. Which by the way, is a very odd thing to do with a salesmen standing over you. Is this one comfortable? Just try and relax. If you are a stomach sleeper make sure to try it out on your stomach. Ok really. Who can really get comfortable in shoes, a shirt, pants, the plastic thing at the bottom of the bed, some used, random NASTY pillow and some dude staring down at you. This issue might be an entirely separate blog entry...
Mallory comes out of the bathroom--unsuccessful at attempt 2, but proud that she was successful at attempt 1. Yea. We exchange high fives. (I can't wait for the day when I don't have to cheer. She however LOVES the praise. Am I raising an attention hog??) Back to our question and answer session with the Mattress Giant; Brent and I are trying to get a feel for warranties, guaranties, shipping charges and all that good stuff when my most embarrassing, "I can't believe that is my child", moment happens.
Mallory nonchalantly, just browsing at the mattresses, walks in between the triangle of Brent, me, and the salesmen--which realistically is about 10 feet in size and proceeds to expel the biggest--I can't even say it---triple fart (oh I'm so embarrassed) You know the kind that ripples... Oh. To me it felt like it echoed throughout the store. I WAS MORTIFIED. I quickly said to Mallory "What do you say?" "Excuse me." And off she went to continue running and playing. The salesmen laughed, I am pretty sure Brent laughed. I laughed out of total embarrassment.
Add this is another example of throwing modesty out the window...
3 comments:
LOL! Oh my goodness, I think I almost had an accident myself reading that (naturally, I ran to the potty and high-fived myself after my success...okay, I may have made that last part up. And the first part. But I did laugh rather hard.)...
The story about trying out beds in your day clothes and shoes on a piece of plastic with a grungy pillow and a man standing over you made me laugh out loud, simply because when I moved into my apartment and got my bed, I experienced the exact same thing.
BUT...even better...I had a creeper as a salesman, and we were THE ONLY TWO AROUND. SO, here I am, this 19-year-old girl with a total creeper surrounded by beds in a vacant mattress warehouse. So he tells me to try some out. I sit down on the edge. He tells me to scoot back farther. At first, unalarmed, I do. Then he tells me I won't know if I like it unless I lay down. So I do, slightly raising my guard. Then, he tells me I need to relax, that I don't look comfortable. Oh my...
THEN, Creepy McCreepster lays down NEXT to me, and tries to explain to me how to relax...shuffle your feet a little. Deep breaths. Close your eyes. Blah blah blah. I proceed to stand up and leave the store. At the next place, I didn't even sit on the edge of them. I only went as far as to push on the mattress with one hand.
Amazingly, I absolutely love my bed, as does everyone else, so I made a good decision, but didn't think I would after that disaster! Needless to say, I turn my mattress often in the hopes of never...ever...having to go mattress shopping again :)
Wow, Amanda, why don't you write a book about it...
The pillow thing made me laugh, because it reminds me of your pillow obsession in college.
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